Misadventures in the Air (Sort Of)

Long time devotees of my ramblings (dating back to the Illini Update, which was sent out to folks back in NY when I was an undergrad), will know that I am not a fan of flying. Basically, I hate being in confined spaces with the general populace. I hate the shoddy customer service staffed by aspiring GED candidates. I hate the overpriced food. And most of all, I think that I hate the lack of control that I have over the situation.

So today, I'm headed out to Albany to see old friends. And I'm flying from NOLA out to the ATL, before heading up to Albany. Weather is beautiful out in NOLA. Upper 80's and sunny. Feels like summer. And the weather's beautiful out in Albany. Mid 60's and sunny. Great fall day. My game plan is to get lunch in Atlanta as Pascal's, a great soul food chain, and then hit the ground in Albany around 5:30 to rock it out w/ OD.

Unfortunately, the weather in Atlanta sucked. So, as a result, once we pull out of the gate in NOLA, they decide that we're going to be grounded for an hour. I'm supposed to hit the ground at 1:30pm, for my 3:03 pm connection. Losing an hour is definitely pushing it. Leave more than an hour late, and I get off the plane at 2:47. Now, last night I had checked my departure gate, and saw that it was in the same terminal as my arrival. I walk off the plane and look up to make sure that this was still the case. Obviously, not. Had to go over one terminal. Bastards.

I almost set land-speed records (at least close to a personal best, anyway), and make it down the terminal, down to the train, over to my terminal, and all the way down to my gate at 2:55. Only, I find out that they had just closed the doors. The damned plane was still there. I'd give even money that I could have still boarded, but they gave away my seat. I wasn't happy. I'm directed over to the "help" area for when they screw up. Probably not a good sign that they have so many issues that they have to have these dedicated areas...

So, I get over there, and the computer hadn't automatically rescheduled me. Which meant that that I had to go talk to some idiot on the phone. This is what I hated about the Detroit airport back in the day, before they got their act cleaned up - talking to the idiots. And this was a flashback. I get put on a standby flight that leaves at 8:30 tonight, as well as a confirmation for a 9:30am flight tomorrow. Those were the only options, so I had to accept that.

So, I figure that it's time to get reimbursed for some costs. First, when I booked the flight, I was right on the cusp of the 21-day cut-off point for having to pay an additional penalty for using my airline miles. I figured that the extra $75 was worth it to get an extra night in Albany, so I went with the Thursday flight, rather than the Friday flight. Of course, not I'm getting into Albany at 11pm, so that sort of kills things. So the first thing that I ask for is a refund of the $75. The other thing was a meal voucher. I was supposed to be on the ground by 5:30pm, in plenty of time for dinner. Now, I'm not leaving until 8:30pm. Figure that getting a meal comped should be an issue.

This is when things go downhill. The idiot on the phone tells me that I have to contact Delta.com for the refund of the $75. Okay. Fair enough. Then, I ask about the meal voucher. The idiot's response was probably true, but not helpful and didn't explain anything. The response:

"We can't give you a meal voucher because your delay was due to the weather."

Huh? What does the weather have to do with whether or not you can give a meal voucher? I remind the idiot that they've added 5 hours to my travels, including keeping us in a plane on the ground in NOLA for over an hour, plus did not offer drinks and snacks on the flight over. At this point, I was civil, and hadn't raised my voice. Instead, our customer service idiot took the proactive route, and started to yell at me:

"The plane was delayed because of the weather. How is any of that Delta's fault? Because the delay was caused by the weather, we can't give you a meal voucher."

At this point, I'm having images of Schultzie in Pere' Antoine's back at the Sugar Bowl. I keep it together, and realize that I'm not winning with her, so I just leave with something like this:

"Your explanation is nonsense. The weather and your ability to give a meal voucher are entirely tangential. I'm commenting on the outcome, not how we got there."

And with that, the conversation ended.

So, I'm steaming. I get my new boarding pass printed out, and head off to Pascal's to get my lunch, anyway. As I'm sitting there, I realized that I should have asked for something else. A day pass to the first-class lounge. That would actually make me relatively happy - free booze and cookies, internet access. Let's face it. I'm pretty simple. So, I wander off to the terminal where my new flight is (incidentally, this was the original terminal I had arrived at back at 2:45). I head over to the help desk, and ask if they can comp me a day pass. The guy at the counter was actually really nice, but couldn't give me the day pass. However he gave me a meal voucher. Damn. After I had already popped for lunch. Oh well. At least I can still get dinner before I fly out.

Undaunted, I decide that I was going to head over the lounge to see if I could talk my way in. I liked my chances since, I had gone from getting nothing but pissed off with the first conversation, a meal voucher out of the 2nd conversation... I thought that the 3rd time would be the charm. So, I walk into the doors, and take the elevator up. And I see that the desk is swamped. I take a quick look around. Bathrooms over to the left. I've got a gameplan.

Rather than talk, I decide that asking for forgiveness is better than asking for permission. I figure that if I go use the bathroom, then when I walk out, they'll assume that I've already checked in. Bingo. Two minutes later, I'm posting to the Board Room with cookies and a beer in front of me. At least something's working out well...

Now to see if I'm getting on this standby flight... And if not, I'll at least have dinner paid for, and be pretty buzzed from all the free booze in the lounge. Though, I may have to try to talk my way into a hotel voucher at that point... Maybe that'll be the charmed 3rd time...

-Chairman

Louisiana Purchase and Expedition

I'm not quite getting the deal that Thomas Jefferson got back in the day (something like $20 per square mile, though that's more like $300 per square mile, still a great deal). But, I bought my little bit of homestead here in New Orleans. So, I'm a landowner. And I've made multiple trips to Lowe's and Wal-Mart to buy things like storage racks and towel rings. In the next few days, I'm going to build some shelving above my washer and dryer. I've been installing ceiling fans, range hoods, and the like. I just hired a pest control service. I'm currently looking around for some folks to come out to do the lawn, and maybe a cleaning service.

So basically, I now suck. But there's redemption to be had, I think. There is still time for me to be awesome. In fact last night, I had one of those "dare to be great" moments.

One of my buddies down here is The Irishman. Let's just say that the stereotypes of drunken, semi-to-fully belligerent Irishmen are in no way overcome by my friend. And through The Irishman, I've met a handful of guys, most of whom are petroleum engineers down here.

Last night, the plan was to go hang out at one of the uptown bars for a couple beers, and then calling it a night. Great plan. Get a couple local brews, hanging out, and meet the natives. I get out to the bar, and only one of the guys is there. The Irishman and the rest of the crew are off getting a late dinner. No worries. A while later, the rest of the posse shows up, and of course, we promptly decide to go to a downtown bar. Fair enough. I don't mind driving, since I'm not really going to drink much the rest of the night, plus, I like the idea of getting to know the city better. So we end up at more of a night club sort of place. Of course, all of the employees remember The Irishman from the previous weekend, when he rolled up with his convertible BMW M3, and at one point was jumping up and down, prior to getting accidentally pepper sprayed. So we were in line for an awesome night. We hang out for a bit, when one of the managers came by started talking to The Irishman, and a few minutes later, we're sitting at one of those roped-off, reserved tables with a bottle of Grey Goose. We hang out for a while longer, and we finally go next door for some pizza, and apparently more shots. I'm driving, so I get to keep my judgment. The other guys? Not so much.

There's a lesson to be learned here, folks. If you're going to drink heavily, you should turn off your cell phone. Particularly if you have internet access. We're all in the middle of some random conversation. Then The Irishman has a great idea. He announces:

"We're going to New York."

Wow. Apparently, he gets Expedia on his phone, and flights to NY were only $250. At this point, it's about 5 in the morning, and the flight left at 7:30. We take a little while to get everyone organized, and sure enough, we're on the way to the airport. No stops home to get clothes, coffee, or to tell loved ones goodbye. Straight from the bar to the airport. I actually contemplate just parking the car and jumping on the plane. Sadly, I failed my "dare to be great" moment. But what's promising is that there seem to be more potential moments to be had. And more importantly, my life is more than weekend trips to Lowe's. I mean, not this weekend. But maybe next weekend.

-Chairman