Project Self: Seasons and Cycles

This weekend I had my first wedding of the summer. And as it stands, it looks to be my last until maybe early fall when my cousin gets married. This stands in sharp contrast to the previous 4 summers where I averaged about 8 weddings a summer, and stood up in 5 weddings. I'm sort of looking forward to not having a huge list of weddings to worry about. Plus, I'll get to spend a little more money on myself ;-)

As I think ahead, I've really only got a few weddings that I've got left for my circle of friends. As I think back, I am sort of in awe that things have pretty much worked out. My friends seem to have gotten it right. I look at the marraiges that I've attended, and they just seem to work. That old crew of guys that we had: Matt, Ed, Reig, Stu, C-Lauff, Westy, GQ, Schultzie, Dunn. They've all gone off and gotten married. Only a few from that era remain single. Me, Mikey, and Curran (which, for those of you who are long-time readers, are the three involved in the bet). But I look back, and think happily about how I've been influential in all of these folks, and how they've been influential to me. These were the folks that I walked with side-by-side everyday. And they've done well for themselves.

What I find to be more interesting is that I think that my life is moving in a different direction. While there are certainly more weddings that I will be going to (Mikey, Curran, True, Brian, CJ, Marshal, Darren, JK, Curran's 2nd, Curran's 3rd, etc.), I think that the era where I was able to network with and actually tangibly influence so many others is gone. And as I look in the mirror, maybe that season of life has ended for me because I've just lost the fire inside. Perhaps I'm too satisfied with what my life looks like to worry about being a difference-maker for people. Perhaps, I let myself get too bogged down in my own work and interests that I don't let the rest of the world in. And perhaps, I like it better that way because it's a much lower risk, with a relatively high personal reward that's at stake. After all, if I don't have people letting me down, then life seems to be dandy.

But since when did I focus on minimizing risk?

I mean, I inherently minimize risk because I see things statistically and analytically. But that's never my focus. My focus was always on getting the best outcome, and I was always okay with taking on some risk. And since when did I stop taking chances on people in a real way?

Probably about 4 years ago. Many of you know that story. I'll leave it alone for now. But when I look - it's been 4 years since I've really, consistently invested myself in others, as a matter of policy. Now, there are a couple linkages here and there. But it's not the general trend. I'm too comfortable in just taking care of myself (which I've gotten surprisingly good at). But I sort of miss the benefits that would come when I was taking care of others, as well as myself.

Perhaps, I can just chalk it up to the seasonal nature of life. After all, many things just seem to ebb and flow with time. The stock market, people's taste in fashion, cultural values, and even responses to technology all seem to go in cycles. Why not me? It's certainly an easier explanation than whatever else I can come up with.

Anyway, we'll see where else this goes. Maybe next time I'll tackle a more social issue.

-Chairman