Breaking News: Chairman Signs with El Paso

Multiple sources have confirmed that The Chairman and El Paso have officially agreed to a 6-year deal, worth an estimated $0.87 million. The Chairman's Facebook page was updated with the status: "It's official. Starting this fall, I'll be strolling down Glory Road."

The allusion to Glory Road refers to the street on the University of Texas-El Paso campus that was renamed to honor the 1966 NCAA championship basketball team. "Glory Road" was also the title of Don Haskins' 2005 autobiography, as well as the the 2006 film it inspired, which told the story of coach Haskins' team at Texas Western (which has now become UTEP) that won the NCAA championship with a starting lineup of 5 black players. They defeated Adolph Rupp's Kentucky team, which had not yet become racially integrated.

The irony is that racial integration is diametrically opposed to most of The Chairman's philosophical beliefs. Most commentators believe that signing with El Paso was less influenced by any sort of symbolism, but instead by the easy access to the amenities of Ciudad Juarez, which has become the world's third leading producer of mass graves, behind Japan and Haiti, though Juarez leads the world in production of smaller mass graves (defined to be those with a capacity of between 5 and 30).

-Chairman