Must See TV

You know. For a while, I was thinking that there wasn't a whole lot going on that was interesting enough to write about. And then I was watching TV on Friday. More specifically, I got to see possibly the most wonderful thing on TV in my recent memory. It was more wonderful than a nekkid Nicole Sheridan jumping into my man T.O.'s welcoming arms. Yep. Ron Artest and and rest of the Indiana Pacers showing the fans of Detroit what's up. My first thought? Jimmy Kimmel was right!

I love seeing that doofy white dude who was proud of himself for throwing his drink on a guy who was just laying there on the scorer's table. He's sitting there, jumping up and down, waving his arms in the air, cheering himself for his boner move, and then all of a sudden, it hits him. His life is about to end. There's a big, angry, black dude coming at him. That look on his face? Priceless.

That was just great. Then things finally get settled down, and Ronnie walks back on the floor, and walks by his bench. Right into the 2nd best part of the whole escapade. Some fat, dumb, Puerto Rican-looking dude decides to wander off on the floor in the middle of this brawl. Then, it gets better. He runs into Ron Artest, and starts jawing at him, and makes a fist, just in time to get hit in the mouth by a professional athlete. What does that thought process look like? "Hmmm... there's a brawl going on, let's walk on the floor. That would be cool. Hey! That's Ron Artest. He's like 6'7", 200 pounds, and black. He just got done beating up some fans in the stands. He has a history of mental unstability. Let's go up to him and make fun of his mom. What could possibly go wrong?"

So Artest gets pulled off of that guy, before he ends his life. So just when our chubby, Latnio friend is getting up, he runs into his 2nd angry black athlete that night. Or at least, he ran into said athlete's fist. Enter Jermaine O'Neal. 6'11", 220 pounds of angry black man. And his running haymaker. That was awesome - straight out of Street Fighter 2. He just runs full speed, and throws a huge right hand that catches our friend flush in the mouth, sending him back on his ass.

At that point, we had police threatening to spray people with pepper spray. There were angry fans who were throwing whatever they could get their hands on. There were fans who were pretending to be angry so that they could be cool and dump soda on players. There were children crying in the stands. There were professional athletes hitting whatever was moving. It was just wonderful. All that was missing? People getting hit over the head with steel chairs while the referee was distracted.

Now I hear that our friends Ron Artest and Jermaine O'Neal are going to be suspended for a while. Ronnie for the rest of the season, and Jermaine for 25 games. That's sort of a bummer. I guess that basketball will go back to being boring to watch. Which is too bad.

-Chairman