Shock and Awe

More on the weekend later, but just a little tidbit now.
Here are some words that you don't ever want to hear come out the best man after he's given his toast:

"I believe that Roland also wanted to say something."

I've always had this borderline amusement towards marriage. I think that it's overrated, but what do I know? My dream has always been to have the power to make an amazingly hilarious toast. Sort of along the lines of the ones in beer commercials where the groomsmen re-live the high points of the groom's former dating quantity and prowess. Needless to say, my friends have been smart enough to keep me bound and gagged when the microphone was on. Or at least distracted with shrimp cocktail. Or a shiny, new nickel. But things were a little hectic at this wedding, and they actually left me in the same room with everyone else.

There's a lesson to be learned here. It turns out that if you're able to coordinate the collective gasps in a room, you can actually depressurize a room fairly quickly. I think that once the best man handed me the mike, that C-Lauff and Kelly got simultaneous whiplash turning their heads in horror. You could just see the blood drain from C-Lauff's face, and subsequently fill up in Kelly's. The table with all of our college friends just held their breaths, thinking, "oh no." It was pretty amazing.

But since this reception didn't have alcohol, things were civil. Well, it really wasn't the lack of alcohol, but rather my lack of planning. This little opportunity was sort of impromptu. We were joking about me getting the mike before the reception started, but I had just sort of forgotten about it. So I actually had to come up with something on the spur of the moment. Which is harder than you may think.

But I think that everything ended up okay. C-Lauff and Kelly are still talking to me. No one punched me in the stomach for ruining the reception. And I think that my reasonably coherent speech may have tricked my other friends into letting me have the mike at their weddings, when I'll have time to plan something much funnier which may or may not involve pants. Of course, if they manage to read this, then all bets are off.

-Chairman