Project Self: Looking into the Fun House

I haven't done one of these Project Self posts in a while. Over 2 years, as a matter of fact. Which sort of begs the question of how the producers haven't canceled this blog by now. Amazingly, we've been at this for over 4 years on a more or less regular basis. Given the mortality rates of most blogs, the Board Room is a bit of an upset. But I think that a little introspection is worthwhile.

In any case, as soon as I realized that there was a chance that I was going to be working in New Orleans, I immediately thought of this old post following Katrina. A couple of excerpts:

Hurricane Katrina... makes me think about our Sugar Bowl experience down there a few years ago. And you know what? I think that New Orleans is a dirty little river town that's made it's fortune on the vices of man...

Is it okay to root against what you think is a rather dismal society that's sucked in the poor and uneducated?...

I mean, the loss of any life can be seen as tragic. But where do we draw the line between something that's truly tragic and something that's almost karma or cosmic justice?...

If there was ever a modern day Sodom and Gemorrah...

I suppose that karma/cosmic justice is me now doing research that intimately involves the poor and uneducated. And I suppose that this is the same force that will be taking me down to New Orleans for the next 2 years, and possibly a lot longer. At the very least, this further confirms that the God I believe in has a sense of humor that's somewhat aligned with my own.

I've always seen my existence as a process. And the process from the fall of 2005 until now has been interesting. I wonder if I have evolved from the sort of person who could quickly come to that sort of conclusion. Probably not. My wit and tongue are as quick and sharp as ever. However, I think that I have evolved from the sort of person who would openly embrace that stance, without any sort of follow-up.

I think that my prevailing orientation toward the world still revolves around justice, rather than, say, compassion. So in that sense, I'm still for seeing evil-doers punished. In the past, that was the end of it. It was a very black and white sort of thing. However over the years, my orientation has evolved a bit. I've talked before about the importance of having a goal AND appreciating the journey. Part of my evolution has been recognizing that everyone in in the midst of some sort of journey. Building off of that, my view of the world has changed to include the notion of redemption, particularly after one has been punished. This idea that things can, and should, be redeemed is a somewhat new thought for me.

That isn't to say that I buy into granting the perfect grace - the sort that evangelical Christians view. And nor should it. I don't believe that I'm selfless enough to ever have the psyche to allow that, even if I could physically grant it. I think that my notion of redemption is more like that Catholic version of penance or the Old Testament view of sacrifice, where there's some grace granted by those who have been sinned against, and there's some effort on the part of the sinner to be worthy of that grace. Sort of meeting halfway.

As for myself, I think that I'm being offered a chance at redemption. This karma/cosmic justice has given me a chance to return to the scene of the crime, if you will. I suppose that in order to hold up my end of the bargain, I'll have to meet them halfway... though I'm quickly realizing that if you're the sinner, then the evangelical idea of grace is a little easier... which hardly seems just.

-Chairman