25 Interesting Things About Me

There's a bit of a fad going through the internet, Facebook, etc. where people are listing 25 interesting things about themselves. Naturally, I have to follow suit because I always do things that the internet tells me to do, with mixed results. For example, I have actually had $3.9 million put into my bank account by a Nigerian warlord who didn't have access to proper banking. That was sweet. And the internet has introduced me to horny housewives in my local area who were very interested in me. On the downside, they looked nothing like their photos on the internet. Also, my penis size has remained the same, despite promises otherwise from blinking ads on the web. And finally, those Ukranian brides that were sent had some problems in transit (remember, you need to poke a couple air holes in the box when you ship anything live). But all in all, the internet has been good enough to me that I feel compelled to list 25 interesting things about myself, some of which may even have elements of truth.

1. I once killed a man for looking at me cross-eyed.
1.a. Much to my chagrin, I later discovered that he just had a lazy eye.
2. I think that fantasy sports is the best way to keep in touch with old friends.
3. I have spent more years in secondary education than I have in primary education.
4. I wanted to move to California so I could vote against Proposition 8.
5. I think that Christmas is overrated.
6. I have a crush on Erin E-Surance.
7. I believe in open borders for immigration.
8. I also believe in deporting useless citizens.
9. I have the record for the longest pass from scrimmage in flag football history (tied, I'm sure).
10. I'm shocked that I'm not in a relationship.
11. I can cook really well on a college budget.
12. I'm an environmentalist. Sort of.
13. I really enjoy watching people fall in public.
14. My favorite sports team is Duke Lacrosse.
15. I have a healthy lack of respect for money.
16. I am a fan of Suge Knight.
17. I have spent $150 on a meal for myself. Yes, I'm still in college.
18. I often manage to come off as egalitarian, misogynistic, and racist at the same time.
19. I manage to make friends with off-beat people.
20. When bad things are about to happen, my first instinct is annoyance.
21. I was named Time's 2006 Man of the Year.
22. I usually root for Goliath to beat David.
23. I once rode a raft down the Mississippi with my slave Jim.
24. I will never run a marathon.
25. I have an unhealthy fascination with animals killing people, genocide, and basically things that most people find distasteful.

Actually, in the interest of self-promotion, I've decided to make my list pretty much a list of my fun posts through out the years. In any case, what are 25 interesting things about you? Not that I really care. But I feel obligated to ask.

-Chairman